The feeling associated with giving up something loved – or at least something that is part of ourselves and familiar – is depression. Scott Peck in The Roadless Traveled says that to spur growth a proportionate amount of “the old self” must be given up. Giving up or loss of the old self is an integral part of the process of mental and spiritual growth, depression is a normal and basically healthy phenomenon. The unconscious in it’s wisdom knows that “the way things used to be” is no longer tenable or constructive that the process of growing and giving up is begun on an unconscious level and depression is experienced.
Depression is the signaling that major change is required for successful and evolutionary adaptation. When we experience crises that are problematic and painful is that in successfully working our way through them we must give up cherished motions and old way of doing and looking at things. We tend to cling to the old patterns of thinking and behaving, thus failing to negotiate any crises, to truly grow up and to experience the joyful sense of rebirth that accompanies the successful transition into great maturity.
That is some really heavy stuff. I identified yesterday to myself that I am suffering from some depression since Linda has passed. I have been trying to cling to what was and not let go. I have tried to find a replacement for Linda. I have connected with others and have not felt the connection that I had with Linda. Not necessary rejection but sometimes it feels like that. This reading today makes so much sense. I need to accept that Linda is gone and there is no one like that relationship. Go is leading me to a new life without Linda. It makes me feel like I am putting off the old life and move to the new life. Matthew 10:39 says “Whoever find his life will lose it, and whoever looses his life for my sake will find it.” We can be bitter. We can be unforgiving. We can be hateful. We can hang on to the ways things were and get stuck. Or we can move forward to the new life God has for us. I know that God has a plan for me. He would never take something away without replacing it with something better. I am choosing to move forward and anticipate what God has for me. Right now I don’t know what it is but I trust him and have hope. God is so good.